My journey to Self wareness started over 20 years ago. I never thought it would take so long to understand what was making me tick and how the pendulum was swinging to create my life story. I read all the books on spirituality I could devour, changed my diet, affirmed mantras, prayed and meditated. I saw signs of breakthrough followed by what felt like one step forward two steps backward syndrome. The successes that I envisioned were few and far between.
What I came to realise was that my reference point was that of Christianity. Whether it was the way it was interpreted by others or whether I took the words in the Bible literally, what was ingrained was that I was no good unless I accepted Jesus Christ into my life. The Bible says we are born in sin and shaped in inequity and we are sinners bound for hell if we do not follow the right path.
Aged 11 I converted to Christianity. It was all I knew. That was and still is the religion my parents follow devotedly. Aged 17 questions began to rise from within me. I questioned what I had been raised to believe IS the truth. I found the Christians I knew all had the same programmed response. Some have never read any other book but the Bible and were told not to read certain books because they were evil. One young woman stated the Anhk symbol I wore was evil. I was told that African spirituality, my origins is evil. I came to the conclusion that many are like sheep being led. I found not by God so much but by their leaders, who too have been programmed. God always speaks to us in that still small voice, but that voice gets drowned out for many by the indoctrination of society as well as religion . Many do not have a mind of their own. Their hearts are unable to lead for fear of going against the Bible and spending an eternity in hell.
I left Christianity aged 17 years. I was ‘led astray’ by my heart and the free will that I came into life with. I have doubted my heart throughout this time of self descovery and wondered back to the outskirts of the fold many times but my heart, my spirit, my soul always guided me away back on to my path of soul searching to know who I am outside of the labels.
It has been a long journey filled with lots of joy but also lots of struggle trying to make sense of the various books I have read and the explanation of others. I have experienced highs and lows, fears of being struck down by God for blasphemy. I have searched my own heart and soul and made sense of my experiences that have shed light on what I needed to know and I can now make choices more confidently without excuse or explanation.
I have come to realise and embrace that I am a child of God, I have the DNA and spirit of the Creator which makes me a carbon copy of my Source, so how can I be sinful? How can I be no good? I am the way, the truth and the light. I come unto my Father/Mother through me, meditation which takes many forms. Walking, talking, cooking, living consciously moment by moment through intuitive impulses. These impulses guide so I can stop searching and begin to fulfil my soul’s purpose.
I am a black woman, a decedent of a great African people, a spiritual African people who understood and lived in harmony with Universal principles who were forced into slavery. All the good of my people and the effects of the unjust treatment is printed on my DNA. Living in a society where we are not viewed as equals further compounds what the Bible teachers. Subliminally it becomes inbedded and our choices are based unconsciously on not being good enough. The lie becomes real and a truth to us and we begin to try to prove our worth in a society that is constructed to deprive some. We feel that we have to climb ladders and achieve titles to prove our worth. There is nothing to prove! If we come from a foundation of knowing we are sons and daughters of the Universe and if we apply the principles, we stand firm in the truth of who we are with no fear of life or death as there is no death. We are energy and the energy is neither created or destroyed, it only changes form!
Nanny of the Maroons never tried to prove her people were equal. She used her knowledge of Self, her connection to nature, the Universe, to God to defeat the those who tried to capture their hearts, those who tried to indoctrinate her people. Through this knowledge and knowing how to utiluse spiritual practices and qualities of a leader, she maintained free status, that with which we are all born into, for herself and her people. She did not bow nor did she compromise. These were the same Universal and spuritual principles Jesus used to perform miracles like turning water into wine.
Spirituality is what we all must return to and put down religious teachings that divide. Those teachings that program us to judge and give one a sense of superiority over another. If we choose to lead, let us lead others to tapping the power within.
Just me connecting dots of my personal experiences in order to live an authentic life.