I had returned to retail in 2015 with the intentions of settling into a career where I would work my way up the ladder. I expected to achieve job satisfaction and financial security. However after a year in the role, one morning as I approached the sliding doors of my place of employment, the words ‘I dont want to be here any longer’ rose up from inside of me. I fought against this compelling feeling for months after. What else was I going to do now I was approaching my fifties? I continued the grind as I put the mask on each morning and faked the smile to get through each 5 hour shift.
When it is time to move, the Universe will provide subtle signs and guidence. Resistance leads to increasingly painful experiences.
When the team leader’s role became vacant, it was given to a young lady with very little experience, who had started with the company 3 months earlier. The department manager had taken a fancy to the new colleague and had taught her aspects of the role. I returned to work after a week’s holiday to be told in passing that she was the new team leader for the department. I was somewhat angry that I had not even been considered as I had been given much of the responsibility for the department prior to her arrival.
I soon developed vertigo and was off work for 6 weeks. Anaemia set it and each day being on my feet, lifting rolls of fabric on the window dressing and haberdashery department became a struggle as I experienced dizzy spells often. I would ease myself slowly up from the chair after completing the orders for customers and worked my way gracefully around the fabric cutting desk pressing my hips along the edge for balance, to get from one side to the other. I took my time to bend and rise whenever I had to take items from the cupboards and from shelves below waist level. Any sudden movement would make me unstable. In addition, even though she was a lovely young lady, I struggled to provide information about the department when requested by the new team leader.
Connecting the dots, all the signs supported my intuition that it was time to leave. My fear of not trusting that all would be ok, began to affect my health. With enormous amounts of doubt, I handed in my notice twice and retracted it both times. Tbroughout this tkime I sesrched for alternative employment nut could find nothing suitable.
I decided to hand my notice in for the tjird time. I was simply not taken seriously and the manager declined from entering my termination onto the system. Within the four week’s notice period, I finally decided to put myself forward for a supporting actors role. I had signed up with a casting agency two years before but never responded to the many enquiry that flooded the inbox of my email address.
Whilst deliberating whether to retract my termination letter and having the manager query my decision in the last week of my notice period, I received a response from the casting agency stating I had been booked for a weeks work on Casualty, start date 6 April, the day after my final day in my job. This was the confirmation I needed. My gut instinct was right all along and provided when I made a commitment to staying on track.
2017 was a very good year. Practically every other month I received week long supporting actor roles that ensured I kept a roof over my head and food on my table. I worked on the films Johnny English 3, where I met Emma Thompson and Rowen Atkinson and 3 Seconds where I was treated like a queen by the actor and rapper C’mon. Other shoots included Dr Who and Descovery of Witches and further shoots on Casualty where I recently was successful in being booked for a feature role, singing!
The working day sometimes see me rising at the crack of dawn to get to locations in beautiful remote country and quarry settings. As I drive down country lanes and up and down empty motorways , I take long deep breaths as I watch the sun rise in the morning. I feel so free, liberated and I am enjoying life. No struggle to arrive to work on time in comparison to the rush in the past to get across Bristol, scrambling to board 2 buses for a start at 9 or 10am. I would arrive just in time to take off my coat and head straight onto the sales floor.
As I have continued to listen to the still small voice inside and with certainty taking action as guided, doors are opening and the way is clear. The financial security is manifesting. I have space and time to connect with my innate creative skills, skills that I was never encouraged to use. I am now performing as a singer and have reconnected with art and have recently wrote poetry which is in the process of being published. I experience more joy, peace, happiness from within and above all have a sense of freedom.
The habit to doubt surfaces on ocassions but I remind myself that all is well. I know for sure that when the prompts come from the source within and we make the decision to act on our true dream and desires, those that fall in line with our purpose, the Universe conspires to make it happen with ease.